can't sleep....

so i can't sleep... a lot has been on my mind lately... i fear that it may be showing... peeking through what i try to mask from the inside... other people have mentioned it... others have noticed it... is it that obvious... is it i who can't see it... who knows... but i guess i'll be the first one to admit it... i'm not entirely happy... i mean that's not to be confused with not being thankful for what i've got around me... sometimes i don't know if i'm over it... other times i fear i may never be over it... its like something inside that creeps and peeks out just enough to have you remember... and its always when you're about to forget... i want things to be different... things to be changing... things always used to change... now it seems like its an ever flowing river of monotony... i want to do things... but work keeps me preoccupied... don't get me wrong i love it... its just that i guess... i miss doing things randomly... meeting new people... meeting lots of people... interesting people... why is it so hard to do that now... i don't know... now all i do is catch myself not being able to sleep... thinking about......... things........ all of this emotion inside... wanting to spill out... but where... my judgment is clouded i know... but what if i don't care... who cares... nobody thinks clearly now anyway... everyone's always got this film that they see the world through... at least i know there is a film... i don't know...