the night...

i seem to come to this place in the late hours of the night... i still miss you sometimes... perhaps its the idea of you... i keep telling myself i need a change... something... someone... anything to come into my life... to make things feel real again for me... to put meanings into my actions... but at the same time... i need to do whats best for myself... last night i wasn't alone... getting texts from a friend who also was troubled by the thoughts of the night... i wonder how many like me are just lying there... staring at the ceiling... and just wondering... longing... and trying to pinpoint what isn't there... i've just watched robocop... and started robocop 2... he struggles with thoughts of his wife... who thinks he's dead... he was turned into a machine... and is no longer human... i guess when you put it that way my problems don't seem to large... i just want there to be something... i guess i've always told people... it will come when you least expect it... i guess its time i start taking my own advice... i ran today... it felt good to do something... it was so hard to get out of bed today... lets hope this week makes things better...