wishing...

its late... i wish we could talk... i wish it were as simple as just texting you... picking up the phone... or clicking your screen name... but its not... well it is... but it will be filled with questions... why is he contacting me... what do i say... awkward situations... although i'm good at making situations not awkward... i wish we could just get over that... get the huge elephant that's always inbetween us... i've always been one to bring things up... but now i don't feel like its my place to bring anything up... i don't feel like me bringing things up will be seen as constructive... but more like unnecessary pressure from me... so thats why i don't... in hopes that you will... i've always been one to make a comfortable environment with awkward situations... and i always look at myself as being understanding... so if fear fills your mind... i can only hope that i can empty it... its just the first step thats the hardest but after that first step then you at least have something to work with...

till then...beStrong... (because i know you are)

just for the sake of talking...

its nice when things aren't awkward on the phone... when conversation just flows... when you don't have to try and think of what to say next... there can be many reasons as to why we decide to talk on the phone with other people... and you know its a good conversation when you lose track of what time it is... when you realize that you've talked to them so long that you have to force yourself to hang up just so that the both of you can get on with your day... or get some sleep... i like conversations where i don't have to be someone else... or think about what the other person is thinking... i just like to talk... share my feelings... share my experiences... knowing that the other won't judge... its nice... when they will just listen when you vent... they help you get things off your chest... it keeps me sane... i'm a people person... what can i say... its hard to come by people like this... it makes you happy... special and everything in between...

till then...beTalkative...

Picturing a Decision...

ok so i've been kainda sick... it bothers me i think i may have a slight fever... looks like i'll crack open a box of the lipton chicken soups... that always makes me feel better... my body aches... but i know with some rest i'll bounce back... i always do... but this being sick has given me alot of time to think... i stare at my phone constantly... scroll through the pictures that i have on there... its interesting what pictures you'll find and be surprised at how long ago those pictures were taken... its different when you see pictures on the phone because you can remember exactly what you were doing when you held up your phone to take a picture... some of them happy... others memorable... and then there are the pictures that you'll never forget... lately i've been pressed with decisions... but its usually about the immediate future... so like within the next 5 min lol... i can see the goal... i know what i want to do... but i don't want to ruin anything by making the wrong decision every 5 min... sometimes it comes to me every minute of the day... i know i'm supposed to steer clear... sometimes answering a decision may cause me to smother the subject matter... but then what if i'm supposed to follow my heart... what if that's whats needed... what if i'm screwing it up right now thinking i'm doing the right thing... how much is too much... will too little give the wrong impression... i guess i've gotten too used to keeping my distance... as if there wasn't enough distance... but i'll take an infinite number of miles over emotional distance any day... i guess only time will tell... it always does...

till then...beThoughtful...

be strong for me... i'll be strong for you...

lately i've been having mind blanks... school... work... sleep... school... work... sleep... nothing exciting... just the same stuff... we gotta do what we gotta do right... i guess lately i've been just tired and uninspired...

till then...beinspired...

Pretty Young Thing...

Man i feel old... the news of Michael Jackson today came as a shock... i've always loved his music :) this is my favorite song of his :)

here's to you Michael Jackson!!!

till then...beYouthful...

songs from my youth...

ok so i totally did NOT look for this video buuut its sort of a light hearted comedic view on relationships and how they make us crazy... crazy with emotion... our mind is our biggest enemy... it can turn things, spin things, and blow things out of proportion... where a perfectly sane level headed person can compleatly go crazy over a relationship... this video was on my youtube homepage under the "suggested videos" lol what are you trying to tell me youtube?!?! favorite line in the song would have to be "Why! didn't I know... (how much i love you baby)" haha so much emotion! i love the boybands of my youth and i will continue to love them :)

till then...beSane (cuz its only in your head... or is it?) LOL

Endless Love...

for some reason i stumbled across a song by Mariah Carey and Luther Vandross entitled Endless Love... this song was my parents wedding song but it was the Diana Ross and Lionel Richie version... i always wondered how they came to choose this song... if it was a special moment that they had... or simply the most romantic song that was out at the time i have no idea... but its a perfect song... my dad still always puts gas in my moms van... she never puts gas in... my mom will pick up my dad's favorite nuts at the store... my dad will get my mom's favorite chocolates from time to time... just sweet little things that i notice... its nice... it makes me strive for a relationship like that even more... they say the apple does not fall far from the tree... well i hope that also applies to relationships... i wonder how i'll stumble across the song... if me and my special someone will just know... if it will be as simple as it playing on the radio and us just knowing... as if it (ok bad pun alert) strikes a chord in our hearts... who knows... these are some of the many thoughts that run through my head...

this one's to you mom and dad :)

till then...beEndless...

Drive my soul...

i have been pretty busy lately... school... work... then school again... its making my summer go by faster but not fast... but i think that's good... if it went by too fast then i don't think i would be able to keep up with the work... but for now i'm good... getting my homework turned in on time... making it to all of my classes... not one absence... and actually enjoying going to class... rather than how i used to dread it... its funny how that can change... i've never felt so motivated... so determined... to finish school... well so that i can finally start my life... i've been in "college life" for too long... i want to start experiencing new things... be extreme... not have to worry about class or homework over the weekends... i'm ready to get out into the world... and start something... make something of myself... see if i really have what it takes...

ok when i was writing this i titled it drive my soul and it reminded me of this video :) its by a girl/band named "Lights" the video is kainda weird but i like the song :)


but it is past my bed time...

till then...beDriven...

can i have this dance...

i love cheesy movies, romantic movies, movies where love triumphs, movies where the nice guys always finish first, but more importantly movies that have a happy romantic ending where you sigh and think to yourself... i wish that would happen to me... haha well i came across this video and it reminded me of how maybe someday i would like to learn how to dance :) i think it would be so cool to be able to share a dance with none other than the one that you love... like a form of communication where two people can feel the others feelings... when they pull each other closer... or spin each other around... things like that letting the other take control... putting your faith in them not to drop you haha... but i just really like this video so don't make fun of me its from High School Musical 3... both actors are i think dating in real life and you can tell that they really love each other.... so one of my goals is to learn how to really dance so that when it comes time for me to dance with my special someone it just wont be a simple hip sway... not that the hip sway is bad :p i'm a big fan of the swaying lol ok here's the vid...


till then...bePlayful...

planning, little notebooks, and randomness

i've found myself asking for specific dates, times and other things... i have also recently started carrying around a note pad with me everywhere i go just to jot things down... yeah i could put it in my blackberry but there is something about writing things down and scratching things off... i also use it to write down some of my thoughts during the day, there has been many times where i have seen something or thought of something where i would want to remember it for later but did not get the chance to write it down... well now i do... my little notepad is filled with my thoughts... dates to remember... lists... and other things of that nature... its quite handy actually you should get one... they have them at Hallmark or Barnes and noble... for the past couple of months i've started to plan a lot and very intensely lol... i've learned that planning allows you to move forward... and to see that you have moved forward... and now that i'm older i can't always remember everything in my head like i used to... or maybe the amount of information that i need to remember has increased drastically in size... either way planning is necessary well for me at least to figure out whats going on with my school, hanging out with friends, and other things... i guess all of this planning is good... good for me... it makes me happy because i know whats coming up... and at the same time i don't think my spontaneous-ness has diminished... so thats always good because i don't think we should ever lose being spontaneous but we also have to remember to plan...

till then...beSpontaneous-yet-Organized...

quiet wednesday afternoons....

just finished up my work for the day... summer school... i'm sitting on the futon in the living room... the sun sets in my backyard so i can see it peeking through the trees and the blinds that are half open... everything is quiet... all i can hear is the subtle sound of the tv that was left on in my roommates room while taking his nap... its at these times where the quiet is nice... the quiet calms me... but then at the same time... its these times where the quiet reminds me... the quiet reminds me of the special moments that i keep in my head... the special moments that i miss... moments where i was so blissfully happy... moments where i'd give anything to lift up my phone to see that i have a text waiting from you... i wish i could share these quiet moments with you like i once did... where words could not express my feelings... where a simple squeeze on the hand would be all it would take... or just my head falling on your shoulder... i could go on forever about wishes and hopes... but for now i just need to enjoy the quietness... the sun on my skin... and the soft sound of the tv... its at these times when i feel the most alone... but the world around me is trying to keep me company...

till then...beReflective...

being in different places at the same time...

we are all at different points in our lives... with our careers... our emotions... our thoughts... outlooks on life... and sometimes in relationships two people end up not drifting apart but drifting into different points in their lives without realizing it... sometimes this can cause some problems... but i believe that people can always drift back... but we forget that we are not always moving at the same speed... if two people were at the same point then slowly one got ahead of the other... or one got behind the other... we sometimes forget how to get back to the same point with each other... now i can say that i've felt both parts... being behind or moving too slow and being ahead moving too fast... we just need to adjust our speed at which we live our lives so that one day we may find ourselves next to that significant other where we are within an arms length away... then holding hands won't be such a challenge... its those moments that keep me going... its those moments that drive my inner strength to keep moving or to slow down... its those times in my head where i think about when what i had was so special... so near and dear to my heart that if i'm 3 arms lengths away i cannot simply just jump to close the gap... everything needs to be gradual... its when i go to the store and see those chocolates... or a specific movie... 100 calorie packs... just the little things... whitening booster by arm and hammer :p... it reminds me to just enjoy whats going on right now... slow steps... baby steps... to maybe fall in love all over again... to have a second time holding hands... but it feels like the first time... a second first kiss... all of those things will be worth it... all thrown together in a soup of patience... strength... time... and love... everything is so fast now a days... internet... cars... food... more and more people have no patience for anything... we just have to remember that slow isn't always a bad thing... sometimes slow is what is needed... because we can only catch the true beauty of whats happening when we go slow...

till then...beDedicated...

other blog entries...

was going to blog about something awesome tonight but read something more awesome on a blog of a very close friend :)

A Dog and His Toy...

till then...beLoving...

family ties...

if you know me at all then you know that i'm pretty close to my family... now that i'm getting older i worry that i may not be there for my family... but i have been thinking of this all the wrong way... my family would like me to succeed... they would want me to be happy... they would also respect any decision that i make if it made me happy... if i were my family i know that i would not to be the reason for me not being happy in life... yes i'll always be there for my family and my family there for me... but i could never feel disconnected from my family even if we lived across the country... if anything my family would like me to make a family of my own... i believe that separating from your family physically is just a part of growing up... its a part of life that all of us hit sooner or later... i believe before i was not ready to do such a thing... but now that i know that whatever i do... wherever i go... my family will be there... i'm not afraid... today we just drove 4 hours to see my aunt and then 4 hours back the same day we went for her son's baptism... now not just my family went but my dads brothers family and other family from other states flew in for a baptism... it was not even a wedding... this just proves that wherever i am whatever i end up doing in my life my family will be flying/driving/training in to see me... why? because its my family... distance will not reflect how close i am with my family... because i know that any day of the week they would travel that distance to help me... and i would also do the same... so i'm not worried about losing touch... i'm worried that i'm going to get sick of them :p even if they are states away haha...

till then...beLoving...

alone with my thoughts at the lake...

i like to sit by this lake by my house... its got one bench... just one... i feel like sometimes it waits for me... half of the lake is the backyards of houses... i like it when i go there at night... when i can see the lights reflect into the water from the houses... sometimes if i go there late enough i can sit and look up and see the stars... i've never brought anyone there before... i usually go there to collect my thoughts... to help organize whats going on in my head... i think i have an overactive mind... maybe that's my weakness... i think of things too much... i over analyze... there is something about visiting lakes... its peaceful... there was one lake where a good friend of mine took me to by where she lives... it was beautiful... it was everything anyone would want in a lake... a lake where you can sit by and just think... open your heart... and just have the overwhelming calmness of the lake consume you... i go to the lake to escape... it doesn't have to be by myself... its just an escape... i hope that we all have our lake... our place where we go to think... to be alone... because even though i go to the lake alone... somehow i don't feel alone... a small breeze here... the rustle of the trees off in the distance... i guess if i feel as if the world has stopped around me it continues to move... and its a reminder for me that i should not stop as well... but i find myself needing the lake more and more...

till then...beTranquil...

what do you talk about when...

what do you talk about when you've talked about everything else... when you already know their favorite color... what makes them laugh... what makes them cry... touchy subjects... things that get them excited... places that they would want to go... what do you talk about when every question that you think about you already know the answer to... when every question you think about asking involves the future... where every question you think about becomes not just a one person answer but requiring two answers... its not that you have ran out of things to talk about... you've just talked about everything regarding yourselves... but now all you can and want to talk about is each other... questions such as what things have you not done with each other... places you have not gone with each other.... sure i've been to California, New York and other states with my family... but i haven't been there with the person that i would want to be there with... stand in the middle of time square holding her hand... on the coast of one of the beaches in LA... eating and enjoying the white sands of Hawaii with the one and only... its like once you have found the other... you want to relive everything over again to show them and let them know the feelings that you have felt before feelings that you would have wanted to share with them but did not know them yet... all the times you were in a romantic place and thought to yourself... man it would be nice to share it with someone special... that's your chance... and that's only thinking about the places you've been to... not to mention your significant other will have hundreds of places to go... places where they have wished to share those moments with that special someone... i don't think conversation would ever run dry... because all we would talk about after we're done talking about ourselves is talking about the "us" and the "we" and the "our"... we do this because we want the other to be immersed in our lives... to feel what we have felt... to cause a sense of closeness between to hearts... two souls... i forget which philosopher said this but it was something along the lines of "one can only learn through experience" and i believe that's true... so take your significant other to a place that you've been before... maybe its a lake where you like to do your thinking... or a playground where you used to play on when you were little... it does not have to be extravagant because by just bringing them there will make it all worth it...

till then...beImmersed...

saying what you feel...

sometimes i just want to come right out and say it... just say whats on my mind... whats been bothering me... the things that i miss... the things that i want... how this situation makes me feel... i wish i could just tell you... hold both your hands... look straight into your eyes... and just tell you... let you know that i won't let you down... and that the decision that you make will not be regretted... it wont matter where we are... or what we are doing... i believe that our hearts are intertwined no matter what we do... we will always find our way back to each other... i wish you could just come right out and tell me... tell me whats on your mind... so that i know... i'm not afraid to hear what you have to say... because there is not anything that you could say that would make me love you less... nothing you could say would make me want you less... nothing that you could say would change anything about the way i feel about you... i'm here... and i'm ready... i'm not scared... so i don't think you should be either... all we have to do is come right out and say it...


till then...beUnafraid...

finding old songs on youtube...

here's a song long forgotten by me until i stumbled upon it by mistake i guess its only appropriate that i share it with you :)



Lyrics are always good too :p

she rolls the window down
and she
talks over the sound
of the cars that pass us by
and i don't know why
but shes changed my mind

Chorus:
would you look at her
she looks at me
shes got me thinking about her constantly
but she don't know how i feel
and as she carries on without a doubt
i wonder if shes figured out
i'm crazy for this girl

she was the one to hold me
the night
the sky fell down
and what was i thinking when
the world didn't end
why didn't i know what i know now

Chorus

right now
face to face
all my fears
pushed aside
and right now
i'm ready to spend the rest of my life
with you

chorus 2x

till then...beTrue...

is chivalry dead...

i have to admit that chivalrous guys are a dying breed... people forget... or just don't do the things that they should to treat a women the way she's supposed to be treated... you should always offer your coat... open doors... pull out chairs... if they need help like killing a bug you better kill it... always think 3 steps ahead... don't wait to be asked... if you're thirsty chances are they are too... if you are going to get a napkin... chances are they will probably want one too... don't even get me started on guys who yell at girls... or guys who are insensitive... guys who don't try to see how a woman is feeling... they just jump to being angry... and for what... there is no reason and no room for that anywhere... it ALWAYS makes the situation worse... i have no idea why women continue to be friends or continue to be in a relationship with these kinds of people... yeah maybe he's funny... but is it worth being yelled at... being cursed at... no (btw guys you should never swear at your significant other its disrespectful and just plain unnecessary) but yet these girls take the guy back... why... because its the a-holes who always get second chances... the women buy into the garbage that they feed them... when the nice guy who sits on the sidelines waiting for a chance to show her how she deserves to be treated never gets a chance... why... cuz they finish last... i know alot of you don't believe that but its partially true... nice guys do finish last and well its just cuz the a-holes keep feeding this bs to the girls who thing "this is how a relationship is supposed to be..." when its not! i guess people have to learn through experience and sometimes to learn something you have or might end up losing something that was there all along... i'm not saying i'm the perfect guy but i do try to be chivalrous... bring flowers just because... open doors cuz well you know they can do it themselves... its not like we don't think you can do it... we are just trying to be nice... carry her to her bed when she passes out on the couch... make her hot tea when she's feeling sick... have a nice dinner waiting for her when she gets home from work... things like this the little things that make life easier, happier when she's with you... if guys started to realize this maybe there would not be so much failed marriages... my parents have been together for quite some time now... why? because my dad will still pick up my moms favorite chocolate at the store... or my mom will grab my dads favorite peanuts on her way home from work... my dad still makes my mom tea after a long day at work... its these things that just remind the other of how much we love and care about them... so to all you ladies out there wait for your prince charming... your knight in shining armor... and sometimes you can't wait for him you gotta go out and get him... how do you think he feels when he sees you with the "a-hole" why? because you deserve better... never settle for less... as ne-yo would say... whats the matter with you...



till then...beChivalrous...

Gotta work for Love...

so i decided to put a quote at the top of the page i saw it somewhere and it rang so true in my head... so i wanted to share it with you...

ok i admit i was a bit irritated with my last post cuz i was so hungry, tired, annoyed with my side mirror, and then had no sleep followed by a tooth extractions (i had 4 pulled) so i guess you could say my head was not in the right place... love has to be worked at... it takes time... patience... you can't rush things... jump into things... you have to be willing to go the distance... and i am willing to go the distance... you have to be able to work overtime for love... especially a second chance at love... you can't expect to sit on your ass and have love work just like that... just like flipping a switch... i'll hold up my sign as long as it takes... and it will say "will work for love..." i admit i will feel like i'm going nowhere but when you are nowhere you are actually "now here" :) and thats being somewhere... so i mean i have a good feeling about this... this time will be different... a good different... maybe its the drugs that i'm not now... but i'm pretty sure its not lol... but i've always knew i would work forever for love again... so if you are out there searching for love... don't give up... because sometimes you gotta work overtime... and you have to never give up on love...

till then...beDedicated...

its like pulling teeth...

i guess that its appropriate that i called this post that since in about 2 hours i will have four of my wisdom teeth removed... don't worry i'm not nervous about that since i'll be knocked out... but i guess the feeling of pulling teeth has been a feeling far too familiar to me... moving without direction... last night while driving i had a lot of time to think... i'm always thinking... and i always felt bad for the mule... you know the one with the carrot dangled in front of him by his driver... the mule does not know better he thinks he's going to get the carrot... so he trots along happily thinking he will get the carrot... but see the driver is also smart... when the mule becomes tired and then starts to get the feeling that he may never get the carrot... the mule suddenly gets distressed and slows down... so the driver moves the carrot very close to the mules face... maybe even perhaps close enough for the mule to get a bit of that delicious carrot that's been in front of his face... now hope is thrown back into the mules mind... so he keeps trotting along happily thinking that he will get the carrot... now i don't know if the mule ever does... maybe after the long journey the driver will decide to be nice and give him the carrot... and other times the driver would just keep the carrot for next time... sometimes i feel like that mule... unable to control my emotions... at times i feel like if i just keep going it will be worth it... but other times i feel like since i am unaware of the length of the journey... i find it hard to continue on... i feel sorry for the mule... his body taken to its extremes... just as my emotions have been taken to its extremes... which ties in my title... its frustrating... like pulling teeth... i always wondered what the driver would do to the mule if he just stopped moving and refused the carrot... if the mule just got tired of having something in front of its face that he could never have... i bet the mule would just rather have nothing in its face don't you think... i don't know... i guess we can't really compare ourselves to mules... but i feel like there is still some resemblance there... i guess all we can really do is put our faith in the driver... hope that they are putting that carrot in front of our face for a reason... trust that the driver will steer us in the right direction and eventually give us that carrot at the end... i mean of course you could also just kick yourself loose from the carriage and run free... but that's not what i want to do... i don't know how long the journey is... and i can say i still have some energy left... but i just hope the driver is not surprised if i ever decide to kick the carriage somewhere down the road and break free... only time will tell right... well that's what everybody says...

till then...beThoughtful...

i want you to want me...

is it crazy for me to feel wanted... to be wanted... to be needed... to be desired... equally as i would give... i've been putting myself out there for a while now... by no means am i needy (lol just wanted to get that straight) don't worry its not a sad emo post... it has just been the recurring theme in my head... i think this time i won't initiate things... just let things run its course... just enjoy things as they come... i mean whats the rush right?



oh here is the video :) i like their hair!

till then...beWanted...

patience is apparently a virtue...

patience... i have a lot of it... i get it from my dad... i just don't know the amount... i hope i have enough... patience is apparently a virtue... its a double edge sword... its what you need but don't want to deal with... i guess patience is my best quality but it is also my weakness... patient for things to come around... i can see now how people can lose their patience... i keep telling myself... no not me... i'm patient... but maybe that's my problem... i'm too patient...

till then...bePatient.... maybe....

polishing the armor....

things are always nice in the beginning... a first kiss... first time holding hands... the awkwardness but its a good awkwardness... laughing at each other because we catch the other staring... the little gifts that we give to show our appreciation... its those times that are always nice to relive... they say slow and steady wins the race (according to that rabbit and turtle story lol) so i think that this time i'm going to take it real slow... slow so that every moment can be savored... so that every moment will be special... so that every moment lasts... i just hope that i'll be able to polish my armor so that it will shine bright... brighter than ever before... so that i can ride in on my white horse grab the damsel in distress by the hand and throw her onto the back of my horse and we'll ride off into the sunset... but i mean well one can dream right? i just hope that the damsel in distress won't be disappointed when her knight comes riding up and she isnt everything that she would want in her knight in shining armor... i guess i've got some polishing to do... good thing i've got an automatic buffer :p

till then...beChivalrous...

starting over again.... maybe...

its harder than you think... i over think... finding the right words to say... trying to not come on too strong... do i smell... my hands are sweaty... my voice is slightly shaky... i can cover up my nervousness... but is it enough... will it be enough... will me trying to cover up my nervousness make it that much easier to see right through me... perhaps... i guess it helps because we are on the same boat... i guess it helps that we have experienced the same things... kind of... maybe that doesn't help... i pray i don't get tired of trying... each time i feel like i'm so close... but have no idea of where the end is... where the end is just the beginning... i'm probably not making sense... i guess that's expected these types of situations will do that... it causes you to not make sense... to question yourself... when you really should not... just be yourself i keep telling myself... but what if myself isnt good enough... it has to be good enough... regardless i should just dive in... i'm gonna need some help... not sure if i'll be able to do it all on my own... i want to feel wanted... who knows perhaps i'm just making things bigger than they really are... i guess i just need to step back... assess the situation... and take things as they come... for the mean time just try to be me... although even that right now seems to be a challenge... why is it like that... why is it this way...

similar surroundings yet new experiences...

soooo had Mojitos last night my friend was kind enough to have me experience them for the first time... not bad at all its a very nice chill drink... just make sure you use a cheesecloth or some sort of strainer so that some of the mint leaves find their way up through your straw and into your mouth... it also lessens the appearance of you drinking water out of your fish tank lol... but it was really good! i've been trying to find some lowtop lace less chucks here in columbia but no luck... the mall is "SUPER HUGE" here haha... maybe i'll find some somewhere else... i need something to go with my shorts! lol and its not always awesome to wear flip flops all the time.... bought a new fragrance today at macys with another close friend she did not have to save lives at the hospital today so while her roommates were making copies at kinkos and selling ad-space around town we went shopping lol... always a good time :) she ended up getting a fragrance as well but did not find it in her heart to buy those other gladiator sandals... perhaps next time... i kind of want to bbq today but have a vegetarian bbq haha... yeah i know it sounds crazy... but fire up the grill throw on some boca burgers, mushrooms, peppers, other random veggies and you've got yourself a solid meal... not to mention we could also try a round 2 of the mojitos again :) its nice being out of my usualness... don't worry for all of ya who miss me back or perhaps you don't even miss me at all lol i'll be back faster than you can say Tony Danza Extravaganza Backyard Bonanza 10 times fast :p

till then...beOpen-to-new-things...

Surprise for a good friend...

so i woke up this morning at like 6:30 packed the night before so that i would be able to surprise one of my good friends... she works at kinkos and that's where i'm posting from haha... i came early because i wanted to get some solid hanging out time and plus i was about ready to explode from boredom at home... so yeah not really sure what we're gonna do... perhaps shop... or... just hang around... just being in a different place feels nice... it was weird driving up here... everything seemed very familiar... but then again at the same time it all felt new again... not quite sure how to explain it... its like you know that you've been there before a couple of times but this time its different... oh well i'm sure it will probably hit me later... but nevertheless i'm excited to be here :) i'm excited for some special popcorn... some american tail... some columbian eats (the city not the country lol) and just some of the things that i guess i missed from this town... i also just want to kick it with some friends that i havent seen in a while...

till then...be Spontaneous...

waiting for my laundry... (again..)

while waiting for my laundry i texted one of my friends for something to blog about now mind you this very good friend of mine knows me quite well and they suggested "Having hope, great friends, being happy with what you are doing and not being afraid of the future" i can honestly say that i've been having a bit more hope lately... but its scary... too much hope can bring you so far up than when you fall you'll fall so hard it will hurt so bad... i guess i've been cautious with my feelings... trying not to experience the extremes... of being too happy... or too sad... just staying at a happy median... i find myself playing it safe... doing things by the book... and i guess there is a time in everyones life where these things need to be done... maybe i'll be more of a risk taker again... maybe not who knows... but one thing i do have is great friends... friends who will be there for me... friends who i can say that without them i would not have been able to pick myself up... friends who i owe more than what i make at michales lol... but i guess i used to be afraid of what would happen to me... what my future holds... whats supposed to be... whats written... if its even written... if i said that i wasn't scared of the future i would be lying... but i have strength in myself... to be able to handle whatever the future throws at me... because i know i'll always have my support from my friends and family... now i realize that sometimes i may have to make the journey alone... and that's ok with me... sometimes when you are the most alone is where you really learn things about yourself... learn things you would have never known... and in the end when everything is all said and done it makes you a better, stronger person... i've always been a bit religious and i believe that god doesn't give us anything that we can't handle... so the next time you're thinking about the future and you're terrified there's no need to be... just take things one day at a time... focus on the small victories... you got this... i got this... we got this...

till then...beFearless... like the Taylor Swift song lol =p

having someone listen....

its always nice to find that someone who will listen to you... someone who understands you... who gets how you think... its nice when the both of you are on the same page... you end up learning a lot from each other... helping each other... two heads are always better than one... sometimes its nice for someone else to tell you whats in your head without you telling them... its sort of affirms your decisions to do things... sort of that hey look they think this too we both can't be wrong... and i think it works... sometimes i wonder why people pick me to open up to... or how i pick the people to open up to... then i had an abstract thought... what if somehow we were able to sense like minds... be able to sense another person and just know that they will have similar views... like a 7th sense cuz i guess there is a 6th already lol but i honestly believe that somehow someway that the way we select who to open up to depends on something that we cant see... feel... or even imagine it just happens... we gravitate toward those people... perhaps its what keeps us in check... perhaps its what keeps us from going insane... perhaps its a necessary part of us being human... whatever it is i like it and i hope you keep an open heart and mind because only then you will be able to gravitate...

till then...beThere...

when i grow up i wanna be...

ok well i know now... like today i know exactly what i want to do for the rest of my life... (career wise) all from this 5 minute experience... crazy i know, but i'll explain... ok so i woke up at 5am this morning to drive down with my mom to the county hospital where she works at, she knows this oral surgeon who knows his stuff and could hook me up with my teeth haha... anyway (side note) knowing someone who works at a hospital REALLY cuts down the wait time to like... nothing lol... i kainda felt bad for cutting in front of everyone but hey if you know someone who works there they bump you up to the top haha... anyway after all of that i was walking out to the main entrance with my mom when these two people came out to the elevator... a woman who seemed to be in her mid to late twenties, and a man in what seemed to be of the same age... my mom had already started a conversation with them... as i approached them i could already tell who they were... their nice business casual attire... their leather messenger bags... both very clean looking yet at the same time very friendly... it could be only one thing... reps... my mom always told me about the representatives that go to the hospital that would try to sell instruments and other sorts of things to the hospital... they were awesome... by just observing their conversation with my mom i could just tell that their main priority was putting their clients first... i got excited seeing them talk... seeing them in action... its what i wanted to do... its exactly what i wanted to do... i want to be the PR guy... the guy who says "let me take you out to lunch and we'll talk it over"... after they left my mom told me that they did indeed take her out to lunch a couple of times since shes in charge of some of the hospital expenses but anyway she said that the girl was a communications major! which gave me hope because since my major is Organizational and Corporate Communications its exactly what i wanted to get into... just one more year... i'll be able to get out there... it will be awesome... i can't wait... it will be awesome...

till then...beDetermined...

a gloomy day..

today was quite nice in the morning then it became all gloomy i have no idea why i hope it does not rain on keith's "Tony Danza Extravaganza Backyard Bonanza" cuz i mean it would just ruin it haha but they have done it before so we will just have to see... i'm prolly gonna go for a bit to say hi a friend of mine is leaving for the military and i guess its gonna be one of his last chances to kick it before he gets booted off... for it being a gloomy day i can say that my mood doesn't reflect the weather so that's always a good thing right? i needed to cut the grass today but decided not to so i guess i will be punished with wet grass tomorrow... but i guess we will just have to see...

oh here's a pic of some bro-sis love =p (it was my sisters prom yesterday... oh prom... lol)
till then... beCRAAAZY...