don't worry i didn't forget about this!

anyway i've been spending quite a bit of time on my youtube channel where i post vlogs (video blogs or logs) of what i do in my life i guess its getting to be more personal now that the strangers who happen to read this can put a face to my feelings... does it bother me? not really i mostly started doing the vlogs out of sheer bordeom but now from receiving positive feedback i think i'll continue to post videos i guess i can also look back and see what i did and how i was and how my video's have evolved (if i ever get to that point where i have that many videos but i hope to keep this going for a while) i must admit i'm still getting used to talking to the camera and not being self concious... like how i look if people will judge just that sort of thing but then i just sort of brush it of... sort of... and just try to convey confidence well i guess you could say that making vlogs is like practicing speeches in front of people and the more practice you get in conveying that confidence then the easer it will be to do that in "real world" situations... well its late and its easter so happy easter i hope everything is well in your life and family as well as the friends around you!

i need to start working out.....

till then beActive... (or at least plan to)

waiting for wednesday's vlog to upload...

it's getting more and more fun to upload these videos... even tho i know that not many people watch them... i guess it just gives me something to do... as well as something to look back to... i hope i can continue to do these videos for a long time and have a long collection to perhaps MAYBE show my children in the future and be like hey look at what dad did! he wasted alot of time and filmed himself lol... anyway its just a thought lol... i've come to a musical block and i think i need to start playing other things other than taylor swift when i make covers... don't get me wrong i love her music its just i think i need more of a variety haha so if you have any suggestions just lmk by leaving a comment!

till then...beSpontaneous!

to whom this may concern...

I don’t think I’ll ever forget the feelings that I’ve felt today… but years ago… I wonder if you think the same things… if you feel the same way… caught in this mess of wanting to be wanted but its not the same regardless of who its with… I don’t know if it we will ever find someone who will ever make us feel like how we felt when we were with each other… I know I won’t everything else would just be second best… and that’s not because I haven’t given it a chance… believe me I have and its made me into a person who I didn’t want to be… so for now I fly solo… doing things on my own… being happy with it just being me and only me… at least I try… I wonder if you still think about the way we used to be… I know I do… having the sun in my face walking to class… I tune everything out… people walking by… waiting at the crosswalk… sometimes I’ll smile while thinking of you… sometimes I’ll sigh a sigh of hopelessness… either way I haven’t ever stopped thinking of you… its getting harder and harder to talk to you… I feel like the what was once a malleable wall is hardening before us… the walls and lines of communication are being cut and getting higher… but no matter how high or how many lines are cut I’ll always have a ladder tall enough… sometimes I wish I could just ask you if you still love me… or if you’ve shared that love with someone else… I may never know… I wonder what it would have been like… where I would have been… if today had more meaning rather than a distant reminder of what could have been... it’s still saved in my phone… I put it in my calendar years ago… and not realizing it until this month that it was still there… but all I can do is just hope that you’re doing well… and your best… that you’re happy… content… loved… and everything in between... maybe we’re both secretly waiting for each other… although that statement sounds very strong right now… its weird cuz I can’t say that I am… but I also can’t deny the fact that I’m waiting… I guess its just there not by choice… not my brain… but my heart is who put it there… after all love isn’t logical…. Thinking back I can still remember the way you smell… the feeling of your hand in mine... having our fingers tangled... it feels like I haven’t heard your voice in years… will you ever read this... who knows… I won’t know… I guess that’s the beauty of online blogs… it only makes a difference or changes things when each other knows that they know… so I guess I’d just like you to know… or this is my way of letting you know… that I won’t forget… I haven’t forgotten… and I just want you to be happy in all that you do…even if you never see this...

till then...beSpecial... cuz that's what you are...

while rendering.....

i figure while i sit and wait here for my new vlog entry to render i should write something... so a friend of mine that i work with is having problems with an ex and how he/she dosen't know if they should see other people... ex's are a tricky thing... you wonder if they are seeing someone else and when they are its the worst thing in the world... it makes you do things that you would normally not do if you didn't know... but i mean we all have had our fair share of carma... what goes around comes around right... and this time what went around bit me in my ass real hard... so now i just drown myself in blogs, twitter, youtube, music, cars, and friends... not necessarily in that order (how this blog became about me i don't know just go with it?) anyway sometimes when you're that point where you're ex or whoever is with another person you just have to hope that they are happy... after all its not like you can make them happy (i mean you broke up for a reason right? i think...) and just hope that the person that they are with is good for them... who's either 1. better than you or 2. just something to hold them over until something as good as you comes around... regardless either way they need to be happy... even if its for the mean time or genuinely happy... there's no need to wish they were as miserable as you (if you are miserable that is) or to do the same things that you're doing (assuming they have the exact interests as you which is not always the case) either way i don't really know where i was going with this it just felt good to write i guess since the rendering of my video is picking up its pace.... 12% now woo! i've been enjoying making these videos and hopefully more in the future! i'm not sure what to say anymore so thanks for reading my randomness

take care of yourself...

New VLOG! are you EXCITED?!

so i decided that i'd try this vlog thing it seems pretty exciting i'm not sure how long i'll do it, i guess it depends on the feedback i get from my first few videos but so far so good but for now i'll just let the video do the talking =] (oh btw i added another youtube tab at the bottom wibia underbar of my vlog channel so you can have easy access to that too!)

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

i can hear people screaming outside my window as well as down the street today is a beautiful day for well cheersing it to good ol St. Parick not much to say today but be safe and have a great holiday!

future updates:
new videos are in progress so keep watch for that!
and hopefully more edit intensive videos =]

till then...beSober... NOT! lol

New Videos Check The Under Bar!! =]

okay so instead of posting videos i just decided that i would just let you peeps know when i made a new video you can find it by clicking the Youtube icon on the under bar and if its not there for whatever reason (cuz it sometimes is a bit kinky) you can also click here =]

http://www.youtube.com/user/sspecbb6

thanks!

Formspring...

okay so i'm not sure how i feel about this just yet but i thought it would be just something interesting perhaps? who knows anyway i sort of like the idea of questions being completely anonymous then you can really see what people wonder about you... but its sort of scary at the same time because what if i get statements or questions like "you suck!" lol that's not even a question! anyway i just threw it in the side bar sooo hopefully it's some what cool and i'll get to keep it around... anywho looks like i'm gonna have to start getting ready for the dayy... kbye

New Under Bar

so i got this new underbar below the page not sure if you guys will like it but its something new perhaps redundant but hey its flashy =p oh and it gives access to my youtube videos so that's always a plus =] check it out! i hope you like it!

end of spring break...

having things that you love is always good for when you're bored... this spring break has come and gone so fast... i don't feel like i've done anything but at the same time i feel like i've done lots of things... i don't know what it is... playing the guitar... being ambitious and seeing what other things i can accomplish... i feel like when this break is over reality will set in... pressures and stresses of school... standardized exams... applications to grad school... pressures to find a job... just life hitting me fast... i wish i had a snickers lol... tomorrow morning i'm having an early breakfast i guess you could say with my grandma we're going to eat at some japanese place so i think it should be exciting... she's always a blast to hang out with....

i'm excited to go back to dekalb man i feel like i've been calling that my home although i wouldn't consider it my home... i guess what i'm trying to get at is that i don't feel like the home i lived in for over 11 years feels like home anymore... i feel like i need to move on get out of here go somewhere new i'm sure i've mentioned something about this but i can't help it since it's always on my mind...

when i get back i'll have more videos to post so that should be exciting since all the editing that i can do is on my desktop since its bomb ass lol anywho i got an early day tommorrow so i guess this is all for now...

till then...beReflectful...

Pre-Spring Break Thinking

with spring break just around the corner it looks like i'm going to have lots to do... no i'm not going to Miami to party... or a cruise or anything like that... i'm going to be lame and not go anywhere lol... crazy to think that this is going to be my last spring break ever of my undergraduate career... there is just so much to do these days i need breaks to catch up or to just stay productive and keep pace with my life...

without even having my spring break start yet... my dad and i picked up 48 boxes of laminate flooring last week because i guess my mom decided that she would redo the entire upstairs... now i know that she's not going to hire anyone so that leaves me and my dad to do the job... granted she didn't ask me yet but i'm just assuming lol... but then with my dad being at work all day i'm probably going to be the one doing the majority of the work so well here goes nothing! i'll see if i can post pictures of my progress...

i just took a practice GMAT exam from Kaplan and well i guess i wasn't surprised or saddened about my score its exactly what i thought i would get while this being a somewhat good thing i also realize that well i'm going to have to bring that score up so test prep books and studying here i come! .... -_- exciting i know... well i'll have to make the best of it right? anywho enough future talk...

in the upcoming weeks i hopefully plan to get more covers out i've got some in the works and some scheduled with other people so that should be super fun i'm really excited so hopefully they all work out! i'd spoil you with the song list but well i wont lol...

now for some life talk... man alot has happened to me since i've actively updated on this blog... physically, emotionally, spiritually? (perhaps i haven't decided yet) each day i'm getting a good grasp of what i want out of life but then each day i feel as if more and more responsibility is being put on me... i guess that's what i get for growing up... which is to be expected but you really never realize the magnitude of whats hitting you till well... it actually hits you... so i find myself thinking all the time about everything i have to constantly remind myself to take it a day at a time with everything changing around me... sisters growing up moving out... my life is evolving... my family is evolving... i'm...(drum roll please) growing up!... kind of... i'm barley managing handling myself don't get me wrong its exciting but it is also a lot of work... hopefully it will all be worth it in the end... hopefully... we just gotta hope for the best but expect the worse...

till next time...beYou...

Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me (Cover)

i've liked this song for a long time now and i think this is one of the first songs that i learned from Taylor Swift its super fun to play and well the song's about love from afar... my favorite kind! lol nevertheless i hope you like it!



till then...beMusical...

Taylor Swift - I'd Lie (Cover)

so i've decided that i was going to record more covers of me playing the songs that i like and well i came across this song by having a friend of mine mention it to me her birthday was coming up so what better excuse to make a video haha just a nice thing to do anyway here you go i hope you like it =]



till then...beMusical...

Taylor Swift - Monologue Song (Cover)

so me and my sister Brittney! decided that she wanted to cover one of Taylor Swifts songs that she sang on SNL called monologue song! hope you like it!



till then...beMusical...

deciding still if i should open up my blog again...

suddenly i'm feeling an inclination to write again... i used to do it all the time... it was fun... therapeutic... i guess i'll need a couple of days to think about it...

so lately whats been going on in my life?
i'm graduating in may... trying to get into grad school... thinking about the GMATs... and well that along with many other things... a time like this in my life seems to be a double edge sword... at one end its so scary but at the other end i'm so ready to begin my life... but there are so many things to do... is this how life will always be? will i ever get the chance or time to just soak it in? because if its not the school or the standardized tests and the more school that's filling up my time and sorta stressing me out what will it be after that? applying for work? stresses at the job? then not to mention factoring in relationships, family, everything else... where will i have time to just sit and be happy... will i ever be happy? i was talking with one of my classmates after a "mock interview" and he was talking to me about the "paradox of choice" and how that in itself makes the world unhappy. how choices make us unhappy... for example of 10 products if you had to choose 1 product and you're happy with it you still won't be as happy as you could have been since you won't know how the other 9 products performed... my friend also talked about how back in the day there was just one kind of jeans... the story goes a man walks into a jeans store and asks for a pair of jeans and asks the lady "hey can i get some jeans" and she responds with "what kind of cut?" and the man replies back with "umm what kinds are there" and then she replies with so many different cuts... long cut, short cut, low cut waist, boot cut, straight cut, stretch cut... he interrupts her asking "isn't there just a normal cut?" she replies with "whats a normal cut?" so now in the process of selecting a pair of jeans he has to learn what kind of cut all the different kinds of jeans are... he finally makes it out of the store selecting one but is unhappy at all the time that he wasted... i still haven't come up with an opinion on this matter its still brewing in my head amongst the other things that i think about...

i recently purchased an electric violin online and well just thought that i could perhaps learn to play again i guess this time around with my parents not nagging me to practice it might be different i guess we'll just have to see... hopefully it isn't a waste of money haha i'll def post of videos when i get good enough for youtube lol

alright well i have a midterm today to study for and i really should get crackin at that so well...

till then...beRecapturing...