A Complicated Situation...

feeling torn... between things... all things... it may be just because i'm tired... who knows... is there a chance?... or is it just the liquid confidence talking... feelings... i haven't felt in a long time... how do i know if they are true... if they are the real deal... or am i fooling myself... i never doubted my feelings until now... maybe i just need a reminder... some kind of reassurance... i've been out of the game for what seems like eternity... and here it is... pops into my lap... and i'm not quite sure what to do with it... i wish things were different... well no i take it back... i think things happened exactly as they were supposed to... i don't like mixed signals... confusion... but then again there's no way to know for sure unless certain steps are taken... i must be careful... i don't want to ruin it... everything seems so welcoming... but at the same time mysteriously shut... i want to just say it out loud... just so that a reaction can be analyzed... i guess we'll just have to wait and see...

till then beComplicated...

Blizzard Aftermath

After the blizzard i'm glad to have witnessed it... after playing in the snow well shoveling it first lol i felt like a kid again... i remember when i was young i would play out in the snow for hours... i would sometimes just lie there... half buried in the snow looking up at the sky... the sun was hot on my face and my body warm from being overly bundled by my mom of course haha... it was nice i didn't have worries then... i didn't think about the future... or the past... i lived in the moment... just watching the clouds go by and thinking to myself how peaceful this is and how i wish i could take that and bottle it up and save it for later... i don't find myself finding those moments these days... lately its been waking up... going to work... going home... and eating at each of the respective times... i try to look for things... adventures... chances to break the cycle... people to meet... friends to spend time with... and just taking the time out of my day to play... today i didn't have snow pants on... had the wrong gloves... the wrong shoes... but it was a blizzard and i didn't care... just like how i did when i was a kid... i didn't care my toes were freezing... i didn't care i had snow in my shirt... down my pants... i was having fun... suddenly i was that kid again lying in the snow... looking up at the sky... and just taking it in... until a snowball hits my face lol...

till then bePlayful.....