to whom this may concern...

I don’t think I’ll ever forget the feelings that I’ve felt today… but years ago… I wonder if you think the same things… if you feel the same way… caught in this mess of wanting to be wanted but its not the same regardless of who its with… I don’t know if it we will ever find someone who will ever make us feel like how we felt when we were with each other… I know I won’t everything else would just be second best… and that’s not because I haven’t given it a chance… believe me I have and its made me into a person who I didn’t want to be… so for now I fly solo… doing things on my own… being happy with it just being me and only me… at least I try… I wonder if you still think about the way we used to be… I know I do… having the sun in my face walking to class… I tune everything out… people walking by… waiting at the crosswalk… sometimes I’ll smile while thinking of you… sometimes I’ll sigh a sigh of hopelessness… either way I haven’t ever stopped thinking of you… its getting harder and harder to talk to you… I feel like the what was once a malleable wall is hardening before us… the walls and lines of communication are being cut and getting higher… but no matter how high or how many lines are cut I’ll always have a ladder tall enough… sometimes I wish I could just ask you if you still love me… or if you’ve shared that love with someone else… I may never know… I wonder what it would have been like… where I would have been… if today had more meaning rather than a distant reminder of what could have been... it’s still saved in my phone… I put it in my calendar years ago… and not realizing it until this month that it was still there… but all I can do is just hope that you’re doing well… and your best… that you’re happy… content… loved… and everything in between... maybe we’re both secretly waiting for each other… although that statement sounds very strong right now… its weird cuz I can’t say that I am… but I also can’t deny the fact that I’m waiting… I guess its just there not by choice… not my brain… but my heart is who put it there… after all love isn’t logical…. Thinking back I can still remember the way you smell… the feeling of your hand in mine... having our fingers tangled... it feels like I haven’t heard your voice in years… will you ever read this... who knows… I won’t know… I guess that’s the beauty of online blogs… it only makes a difference or changes things when each other knows that they know… so I guess I’d just like you to know… or this is my way of letting you know… that I won’t forget… I haven’t forgotten… and I just want you to be happy in all that you do…even if you never see this...

till then...beSpecial... cuz that's what you are...