gives me butterflies...

its nice when people do things that you don't expect... when you are taken aback... when you look at the situation and think to yourself... hey... wow... did that just happen?... its nice its comforting... its unlike anything else... no matter how little the act... or how it may not even mean anything to the other person... i notice... and its nice... warming... things like this... unexpected things... moments when i go woah... nice... give me butterflies... now i admit its not raging butterflies but there butterflies in there for sure ^_^... i can't get ahead of myself but its good now... i feel like maybe... just maybe... perhaps we are moving in one direction... and maybe just maybe we are moving in the same direction... i guess only time will tell... i've been saying that alot lately but its true...

till then...beContent...

just shined the armor should i put it on...

i used to be bold... i think i need to find that boldness and bring it back to the surface... i guess lately i haven't been myself... well i've been myself... just not my true self... i've been over thinking... i should think less and do more... like how i did before... not to over complicate things... things are good right now... i'm patient... and things will always workout in its own way... i have a good feeling about this... this time will be different... this time will be new... this time will be more exciting than the last... i can just feel it... i feel like i'm so close even tho i can't see the end i don't care... because then when i reach the end it will surprise me and hit me like a brick wall... just like how it all began... i can honesly say that i've changed... my priorities have changed.... i've grown... and learned... and know where i want to be... who i want to be with... what makes me happy... as well as learned who my true freinds are... i know life can and will always change around me... and i'll be ready... with my newly shined armor... my shield of love in one hand... and my sword of passion in the other i will fight... i will fight the good fight until the bitter end... why?... because knights never give up... and thats exactly what i'll do... never give up...

till then...beValiant....

a good weekend...

the past weekend was fun got to hang out with some close friends and exchange gifts :) i got a bottle of Saracco which is awesome! i'm going to save that bottle for a very very special occasion... the past weekend was an interesting weekend filled with hanging out and chilling... that weekend i realized more things about myself... things such as how you never realize how much you might need another person until their presence isn't there... how much the other person helps you and how much you help them... some people affect us more than we think... its not bad and i don't see it as a crutch in any way... its those people that bring out the best in us... its those people that cause us to make us truly happy... and its us who make other people happy by... well just being ourselves... i've seen how two people so connected can be each others keys to being happy... i don't know why sometimes we miss whats right in front of us... i know that sometimes when i'm looking for something and its so obviously in front of me that i can't see it, my dad will be like "its right under your nose!"... and i think sometimes we need to be reminded of where it is... i don't want to feel like i'm holding back... so i wont... i want to be out there... to be heard... to be recognized... to make someone happy which in turn will make me happy... i havent been "happy" in a while... well not like before... sometimes i sit and think that maybe it will be a long time before i feel that happiness again... or perhaps not even at all... but when i get those thoughts i always pick myself up dust my self off and remind myself that yes i can be that happy again and it won't take forever... maybe some time yes... and i'm willing to wait... i'm willing to wait as long as it takes... because that still isn't forever... the weekend was good did some bold things... things that i'm glad that i did now that i look back on it... but now i feel something that grew a little bit recently... hope... but its just a little more than what was left... my jar of hope has been dry... i've been surviving on the fumes but now i guess i can see some liquid at the bottom... i was afraid i would run out and be stranded... i just hope that the hope i see isnt a mirage... that my mind is just making it up... like a coping mechanism... i want my hope to be genuine... i want it to be real... and i only want it to grow... grow into something beautiful...

till then...beHopeful...

could not have said it better myself...

be sure to check it out... hop over to a sunny storm's blog

HERE

:)

wishing...

its late... i wish we could talk... i wish it were as simple as just texting you... picking up the phone... or clicking your screen name... but its not... well it is... but it will be filled with questions... why is he contacting me... what do i say... awkward situations... although i'm good at making situations not awkward... i wish we could just get over that... get the huge elephant that's always inbetween us... i've always been one to bring things up... but now i don't feel like its my place to bring anything up... i don't feel like me bringing things up will be seen as constructive... but more like unnecessary pressure from me... so thats why i don't... in hopes that you will... i've always been one to make a comfortable environment with awkward situations... and i always look at myself as being understanding... so if fear fills your mind... i can only hope that i can empty it... its just the first step thats the hardest but after that first step then you at least have something to work with...

till then...beStrong... (because i know you are)

just for the sake of talking...

its nice when things aren't awkward on the phone... when conversation just flows... when you don't have to try and think of what to say next... there can be many reasons as to why we decide to talk on the phone with other people... and you know its a good conversation when you lose track of what time it is... when you realize that you've talked to them so long that you have to force yourself to hang up just so that the both of you can get on with your day... or get some sleep... i like conversations where i don't have to be someone else... or think about what the other person is thinking... i just like to talk... share my feelings... share my experiences... knowing that the other won't judge... its nice... when they will just listen when you vent... they help you get things off your chest... it keeps me sane... i'm a people person... what can i say... its hard to come by people like this... it makes you happy... special and everything in between...

till then...beTalkative...

Picturing a Decision...

ok so i've been kainda sick... it bothers me i think i may have a slight fever... looks like i'll crack open a box of the lipton chicken soups... that always makes me feel better... my body aches... but i know with some rest i'll bounce back... i always do... but this being sick has given me alot of time to think... i stare at my phone constantly... scroll through the pictures that i have on there... its interesting what pictures you'll find and be surprised at how long ago those pictures were taken... its different when you see pictures on the phone because you can remember exactly what you were doing when you held up your phone to take a picture... some of them happy... others memorable... and then there are the pictures that you'll never forget... lately i've been pressed with decisions... but its usually about the immediate future... so like within the next 5 min lol... i can see the goal... i know what i want to do... but i don't want to ruin anything by making the wrong decision every 5 min... sometimes it comes to me every minute of the day... i know i'm supposed to steer clear... sometimes answering a decision may cause me to smother the subject matter... but then what if i'm supposed to follow my heart... what if that's whats needed... what if i'm screwing it up right now thinking i'm doing the right thing... how much is too much... will too little give the wrong impression... i guess i've gotten too used to keeping my distance... as if there wasn't enough distance... but i'll take an infinite number of miles over emotional distance any day... i guess only time will tell... it always does...

till then...beThoughtful...

be strong for me... i'll be strong for you...

lately i've been having mind blanks... school... work... sleep... school... work... sleep... nothing exciting... just the same stuff... we gotta do what we gotta do right... i guess lately i've been just tired and uninspired...

till then...beinspired...

Pretty Young Thing...

Man i feel old... the news of Michael Jackson today came as a shock... i've always loved his music :) this is my favorite song of his :)

here's to you Michael Jackson!!!

till then...beYouthful...

songs from my youth...

ok so i totally did NOT look for this video buuut its sort of a light hearted comedic view on relationships and how they make us crazy... crazy with emotion... our mind is our biggest enemy... it can turn things, spin things, and blow things out of proportion... where a perfectly sane level headed person can compleatly go crazy over a relationship... this video was on my youtube homepage under the "suggested videos" lol what are you trying to tell me youtube?!?! favorite line in the song would have to be "Why! didn't I know... (how much i love you baby)" haha so much emotion! i love the boybands of my youth and i will continue to love them :)

till then...beSane (cuz its only in your head... or is it?) LOL

Endless Love...

for some reason i stumbled across a song by Mariah Carey and Luther Vandross entitled Endless Love... this song was my parents wedding song but it was the Diana Ross and Lionel Richie version... i always wondered how they came to choose this song... if it was a special moment that they had... or simply the most romantic song that was out at the time i have no idea... but its a perfect song... my dad still always puts gas in my moms van... she never puts gas in... my mom will pick up my dad's favorite nuts at the store... my dad will get my mom's favorite chocolates from time to time... just sweet little things that i notice... its nice... it makes me strive for a relationship like that even more... they say the apple does not fall far from the tree... well i hope that also applies to relationships... i wonder how i'll stumble across the song... if me and my special someone will just know... if it will be as simple as it playing on the radio and us just knowing... as if it (ok bad pun alert) strikes a chord in our hearts... who knows... these are some of the many thoughts that run through my head...

this one's to you mom and dad :)

till then...beEndless...

Drive my soul...

i have been pretty busy lately... school... work... then school again... its making my summer go by faster but not fast... but i think that's good... if it went by too fast then i don't think i would be able to keep up with the work... but for now i'm good... getting my homework turned in on time... making it to all of my classes... not one absence... and actually enjoying going to class... rather than how i used to dread it... its funny how that can change... i've never felt so motivated... so determined... to finish school... well so that i can finally start my life... i've been in "college life" for too long... i want to start experiencing new things... be extreme... not have to worry about class or homework over the weekends... i'm ready to get out into the world... and start something... make something of myself... see if i really have what it takes...

ok when i was writing this i titled it drive my soul and it reminded me of this video :) its by a girl/band named "Lights" the video is kainda weird but i like the song :)


but it is past my bed time...

till then...beDriven...

can i have this dance...

i love cheesy movies, romantic movies, movies where love triumphs, movies where the nice guys always finish first, but more importantly movies that have a happy romantic ending where you sigh and think to yourself... i wish that would happen to me... haha well i came across this video and it reminded me of how maybe someday i would like to learn how to dance :) i think it would be so cool to be able to share a dance with none other than the one that you love... like a form of communication where two people can feel the others feelings... when they pull each other closer... or spin each other around... things like that letting the other take control... putting your faith in them not to drop you haha... but i just really like this video so don't make fun of me its from High School Musical 3... both actors are i think dating in real life and you can tell that they really love each other.... so one of my goals is to learn how to really dance so that when it comes time for me to dance with my special someone it just wont be a simple hip sway... not that the hip sway is bad :p i'm a big fan of the swaying lol ok here's the vid...


till then...bePlayful...

planning, little notebooks, and randomness

i've found myself asking for specific dates, times and other things... i have also recently started carrying around a note pad with me everywhere i go just to jot things down... yeah i could put it in my blackberry but there is something about writing things down and scratching things off... i also use it to write down some of my thoughts during the day, there has been many times where i have seen something or thought of something where i would want to remember it for later but did not get the chance to write it down... well now i do... my little notepad is filled with my thoughts... dates to remember... lists... and other things of that nature... its quite handy actually you should get one... they have them at Hallmark or Barnes and noble... for the past couple of months i've started to plan a lot and very intensely lol... i've learned that planning allows you to move forward... and to see that you have moved forward... and now that i'm older i can't always remember everything in my head like i used to... or maybe the amount of information that i need to remember has increased drastically in size... either way planning is necessary well for me at least to figure out whats going on with my school, hanging out with friends, and other things... i guess all of this planning is good... good for me... it makes me happy because i know whats coming up... and at the same time i don't think my spontaneous-ness has diminished... so thats always good because i don't think we should ever lose being spontaneous but we also have to remember to plan...

till then...beSpontaneous-yet-Organized...