it's just what i do...

how do i do it... i was asked today how do i do the things i do... recently i've come to meet this girl named pam... she's awesome and funny and we have alot in common... she also has a boyfriend but not boyfriend (i'll explain) who lives far away in the UK... she's always talking about how hot other guys are... or how she goes on other "dates" with these other guys... but she assures me nothing goes on... which i believe... i believe that her heart is still very much attached to "UK" (i'll just refer to the guy as UK like she does) we have at least one class every day with each other... sometimes i'll catch her writing down UK's name in her notebook... it's nice... and makes me happy... not just for her but it also gives me hope... because maybe somewhere someone might be writing my name in a notebook... she's told me once that you know who your heart wants by who you think about at night... it's always been the same for me... she was the one who asked me how i do the things i do... we were on our way back to my apartment... i picked her up from class cuz she sometimes takes naps on our living room couch in between classes since she commutes... but she mentioned that she thinks UK's alot like me... and she asked me how i do it... i did not really give a response i sort of just said... well i don't know i guess its just how i am... i'm usually a good judge of what i want to do and sticking to it... i asked her why they didn't, her and UK give each other the "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" title and what she said made sense... she said it would just cause the both of them more pain... but they do still talk when they can and say i love you to each other... and its cute... i really hope they will work things out... and i believe that they will... its hard to watch two people that want to be together but can't... but its harder knowing what it feels like first hand... but people like pam are proof that love can still survive in hearts that are far away... even if he or she is talking about how hot the person is sitting next to them... after all i believe she knows what she wants... and there isnt anything wrong with a little eye candy in the mean time... lol... but more seriously i'm getting used to this... understanding what needs to happen... how i need to act... although i know my heart is ready to just jump in and run away with my feelings... i have to hold it back... to keep it... until the time is perfect... i've always thought that it wouldn't matter if my heart crashed because i could always recover... but i forget that whenever hearts crash its usually two... and having to have someone else feel that pain would be worse... so when the time is perfect... i think i'll know... if not i'm sure my heart will remind me...