having someone listen....

its always nice to find that someone who will listen to you... someone who understands you... who gets how you think... its nice when the both of you are on the same page... you end up learning a lot from each other... helping each other... two heads are always better than one... sometimes its nice for someone else to tell you whats in your head without you telling them... its sort of affirms your decisions to do things... sort of that hey look they think this too we both can't be wrong... and i think it works... sometimes i wonder why people pick me to open up to... or how i pick the people to open up to... then i had an abstract thought... what if somehow we were able to sense like minds... be able to sense another person and just know that they will have similar views... like a 7th sense cuz i guess there is a 6th already lol but i honestly believe that somehow someway that the way we select who to open up to depends on something that we cant see... feel... or even imagine it just happens... we gravitate toward those people... perhaps its what keeps us in check... perhaps its what keeps us from going insane... perhaps its a necessary part of us being human... whatever it is i like it and i hope you keep an open heart and mind because only then you will be able to gravitate...

till then...beThere...

when i grow up i wanna be...

ok well i know now... like today i know exactly what i want to do for the rest of my life... (career wise) all from this 5 minute experience... crazy i know, but i'll explain... ok so i woke up at 5am this morning to drive down with my mom to the county hospital where she works at, she knows this oral surgeon who knows his stuff and could hook me up with my teeth haha... anyway (side note) knowing someone who works at a hospital REALLY cuts down the wait time to like... nothing lol... i kainda felt bad for cutting in front of everyone but hey if you know someone who works there they bump you up to the top haha... anyway after all of that i was walking out to the main entrance with my mom when these two people came out to the elevator... a woman who seemed to be in her mid to late twenties, and a man in what seemed to be of the same age... my mom had already started a conversation with them... as i approached them i could already tell who they were... their nice business casual attire... their leather messenger bags... both very clean looking yet at the same time very friendly... it could be only one thing... reps... my mom always told me about the representatives that go to the hospital that would try to sell instruments and other sorts of things to the hospital... they were awesome... by just observing their conversation with my mom i could just tell that their main priority was putting their clients first... i got excited seeing them talk... seeing them in action... its what i wanted to do... its exactly what i wanted to do... i want to be the PR guy... the guy who says "let me take you out to lunch and we'll talk it over"... after they left my mom told me that they did indeed take her out to lunch a couple of times since shes in charge of some of the hospital expenses but anyway she said that the girl was a communications major! which gave me hope because since my major is Organizational and Corporate Communications its exactly what i wanted to get into... just one more year... i'll be able to get out there... it will be awesome... i can't wait... it will be awesome...

till then...beDetermined...

a gloomy day..

today was quite nice in the morning then it became all gloomy i have no idea why i hope it does not rain on keith's "Tony Danza Extravaganza Backyard Bonanza" cuz i mean it would just ruin it haha but they have done it before so we will just have to see... i'm prolly gonna go for a bit to say hi a friend of mine is leaving for the military and i guess its gonna be one of his last chances to kick it before he gets booted off... for it being a gloomy day i can say that my mood doesn't reflect the weather so that's always a good thing right? i needed to cut the grass today but decided not to so i guess i will be punished with wet grass tomorrow... but i guess we will just have to see...

oh here's a pic of some bro-sis love =p (it was my sisters prom yesterday... oh prom... lol)
till then... beCRAAAZY...

Getting Married...

i've noticed that there has been alot of talk about weddings around me lately next week a friend who works at michaels with me will be sealing the deal with his fiance. i guess that and how everyone knows at michaels so people talk about their wedding and rings, how they proposed/got proposed to that sorta thing. it made me think of how i would propose to my special someone... well of course i would not say here haha i guess you'll just have to find out later =p anyway me and my friend were talkin and he told me that he was gettin nervous about the whole getting married thing. here's what i told him i asked him 1. do you love her? of course he said yes... then i asked him 2. can you see your life without her? he said no... then he said "ben, i can hear the cell door close on me... when she puts that ring on my finger thats the sound i'm gonna hear... the sound of cell doors closing and locking" after that i thought for a second then i asked him this question... now if the cell doors are going to close anyway sooner or later who would the one person you would want to have the key to those doors? and he's like well of course my fiance... so i was like well there you go don't be nervous you love her she loves you, you've been dating and engaged for some time now its just another step... i'm not sure if i reali made him less nervous i hope i did i mean its kainda cute seeing guys like that it makes me think of the things i would do... how i would feel... would i be nervous? prolly just cuz i'm human... would i be scared? no because if i decide to propose to my princess i would have already been in it for the long haul... but i mean i know this kainda stuff is going to be still in my future not super far but i mean its there... nothing wrong with dreaming right?...

till then...beBrave...

just my thoughts...

trying to not get ahead of myself... i should sleep... work tom... church tom... today was a good day... and i think tonight will be a restful night... i hope your nights are restful... and to these people...

harry... stop playing wow
mark... just go to sleep i know you're awake
keith... well if you just woke up then don't sleep but if you haven't slept sleep!
justin... let me guess.... either psp or watching late night anime...
carlo... i won't even bother cuz you're always awake
dane... i hope you're not playing wow
spencer... you're prolly looking at this in the morning so good morning

and if i didn't mention you its not that i don't think about you its just that you're prolly sleeping right now haha so sweet dreams =p

till then...beRandom...

Battery Draining Conversations...

you know when your conversation is going well when your phone starts beeping at you, you look to see if its a text message but then you see your battery indicator is blinking red haha that's exactly what happened to me tonight :) its always nice to reconnect with old friends... well not reconnect but more of just re-affirming the friendship... i think if i was not so tired i would actually talk till the morning lol well we could talk till the morning about anything and everything... its heartwarming to know that nothing has changed in the relationship... its these friends that i see at my wedding, part of the wedding party, at my first child's baptism, family parties, just being around for a long time... because when these friends grow old with us and someday have kids we will be able to tell them... oh i knew your mother back when we went to college together! lol and then we would reminisce while the kids would run away and do what children do lol but on a more serious note i'm truly blessed to have friends like these, friends who will help me through my hardest days, and celebrate with me during my life triumphs... i hope to make more friends like this although i think i'm pretty content with what i have now... i guess you could say i'm not really looking for other serious friendship relationships haha but i would never turn down the chance :)

till then...beLoving...

abrupt awakening...

i just... woke up... just now... i was sleeping... and i just woke up.... its 2:30am... i had no reason to wake up... no alarm... no sounds... i fell asleep around 11pm... then i just woke up... i felt weird... it was as if someone woke me up... or i had a dream that woke me up and i did not remember/realize what the dream was about... who knows... my mind is running away with reasons to why this happened... i guess if i post it here i may or may not get an answer...

till then... be...I-Have-No-Idea...

i'm not crazy i'm just a little restless...

i've been having this constant feeling of getting out... going away... getting away... away from here... away from my natural surroundings... and when i get the chance of changing my life to get out of my surroundings that have been around me for 16 years i'm going to get out like like a bat out of hell... maybe because i'm getting older who knows... i've always thought that i might stay in the same place but now its different... now that i've spent alot of time in the place that i said i would be in... i've gotten very bored with it... its all the same... i want something different... something new... i'm ready for new experiences... i'm ready for things to change... although they won't change right now... so i guess i'll just have to deal... we all have to deal... i guess it just depends on how we deal... i've talked to my cousin who used to live here then moved to seattle to start new... to start fresh... not gonna lie he's kind of my idol... i guess its like a secret love from afar ::without sounding creepy:: lol... but seriously the things he does... the new places... the new experiences that he has in places other than here... i've been to the sears tower more times than i can count... i've been to the lake so many times... all the touristy spots in and around my area i've done... at least twice... i guess thats what life is about finding and making your own path... i guess we as people want to look back and say hey look what i did... and be proud of our acomplishments... instead of people coming up to you saying... hey you're still here wow i thought you would be somewhere else by now... i'd want people coming up to me saying... hey have i seen you before... and i would respond with no i just moved into the area... that would be awesome... but i guess for now i just have to supress these feelilngs of escape... feelings of running away to a new place... maybe its cuz i live in the storage room in the basement... who knows i feel like i'm only at 50%... 100% of the time... perhaps i am crazy... or just a little restless...

till then...beFree...

Vividness...

dreams are very weird to me... i'm not much of a dreamer... usually i never dream... but lately i have been having dreams that are vivid... so vivid they don't seem like dreams... its as if its truly happening to me in real life... i don't know if its my mind playing a cruel joke on me... or perhaps its just my mind helping me... my mind helping itself take its mind off whats happening in reality... i mean for the duration of the dream i'm in a state of comfort... i'm not worried... i'm happy... it brings a whole new meaning to escaping in your dreams... this experience is just so new to me... i've never had anything like it before its almost unreal... well it is unreal... sometimes i don't like to wake from those dreams... because then i'm suddenly hit with reality... the realness of life... you can't fast forward in life... but i guess you can in your dreams... i've always wondered if two people or even more can find each other in their dreams... to make that connection... i've heard of stories where twins will feel the other twin when they are in pain or if something tragic happens to them they will get this feeling as if they are connected... now there has to be something to that... there just has to be some sort of connections that we make with each other... and perhaps if the conditions are better than ideal people can find each other in their dreams... tell them how they really feel... give each other comfort... letting the other know that they are still there... and will always be there... even though they may not ever say it out loud in real life... so i guess i'll just take these dreams as they come i mean i can't decide if i want to dream it just happens... perhaps the connection of two minds or a collection of hears is what makes it work... but it could also be all in my head... but there is no fun in that... i can dream right?...

till then...beConnected...

Somewhere Being Nostalgic...

when i was a child my all time favorite movie was An American Tail its this movie about these rats/mice making the journey to America. well i used to sing to this song somewhere out there all the time and my mom still tells me stories about how i would watch this movie so much she would get annoyed lol but she always thought it was so cute when i would sing haha... yeah i'm a mama's boy lol and what?! anyway just thought i'd share the song with you its not long but i guess if you have seen pictures of me when i was little then you could probably imagine how i sounded lol... well i guess i just never stopped singing cartoon songs lol oh well...oh here's a pic of me and my mom, this is actually the picture that i framed and gave it to her for mothers day :)



Lyrics:
somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlingt
someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

somewhere out there there's someone saying a prayer
that we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

and even tho i know how very far apart we are
it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

and when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
it helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

somewhere out there if love can see us throuh
then we'll be together somewhere out there

out where dreams come true...

hope you enjoyed the song like i still do :p

till then...beNostalgic...

whats it worth to you?

i guess you could say i don't know what i want but at the same time i know exactly what i want... you know the saying of "enjoying the fruits of your labor" well how will i know if the fruits are worth the labor... you don't... taking risks is a part of life... even if your a person who is not a risk taker... you are you just don't realize it... by simply not taking risks you are taking the risk of not taking those risks... a recurring theme in my life has been constantly coming up... the whole idea of is it worth it... everything comes down to if its worth it... is it worth not watching over your friend when they have a problem and the only way to help them is by not helping... is it worth experiencing pain or hurt when it comes to love... is it worth not being true to yourself... is it worth it to put up a mask hiding your true self... some of these i've experienced and some i have not... but it always seems to boil down to if its worth it... how far we are willing to go... willing to sacrifice... willing to hurt... or lie... or willing to just sit there and do nothing... i know a lot of these things are situational but it always comes down to two things... things that you want... and things that you don't want... i know some of you are saying "oh but its complicated", "oh you don't know what i'm feeling or what i'm going through"... we all have a choice and it comes down to if its worth it... now i know the path to finding out if its worth it may be long or short but to get anywhere you got to ask yourself what things are worth it to you... what things are worth keeping... what things are worth losing...

till then...beWorthy...

Taylor Swift... she's cool =p

ok so i've been listening to some of Taylor Swifts stuff out of sheer boredom and its not that bad i was just checking her music videos out on youtube and this one is prolly her best one...

the video is very..... American lol but then again that's what country music is all about right =p

till then...beEclectic...

struggling with my thoughts...

why did i sleep late last night... its right in front of me... its so obvious... i can't assume... should i go out tonight... i need to work out... i don't feel like going out tonight... wandering thoughts... am i happy... can i do this... its going to take some time... i'm strong... do they notice... will anyone notice... i haven't touched my guitar in 2 days... i should start playing again... been listening to Taylor Swift... i like her music... i think i'm going to move back upstairs... the basement is too cold... i want school to start already... i want to finish school already... don't assume... but i can't help it... i can see it... its as plain as black and white... screaming at my face... but its ok... i can handle it... there isnt anything i can't handle... i'm strong... and they will notice... i'm patient... i'm very patient... its a virtue... who knows maybe this will all make sense in the future... maybe tomorrow... why do i keep fortune cookie fortunes on the back of my phone... maybe i believe in them... maybe they will come true... maybe its random... but i never usually get the fortune cookie... all these thoughts... i wish there was an ikea for thoughts... i need miles of shelving... or bins... if i had a penny for my thoughts i'd be rich... i'm a thinker... i over analyze things... i pay attention to too much detail... i don't know where i'm going with this... maybe reaching out... for a connection... to anyone... for anyone... to get a taste of what goes on in my head... i don't think i'm going to go out tonight... i should sleep early...

till then... beThoughtful...

A not so bad Memorial Day...

So today i spent a lot of morning time with the family waking up at 9am then we went to the cemetery to visit my grandpa Sa Lim (dads dad) it was nice the whole gang was there brothers, cousins, the little children, if you've had the chance to meet my family you've probably met all of them cuz we travel in packs and everyone goes out with everyone lol then after that we went to china town to eat got there a bit too early since they were still closed so my family just took a stroll up and down the streets of chinatown. They got various chinatown foods and i had to look at the weapons store haha... anyway the place were we ate at was ok... not the best but not the worst... after that we all split our separate ways and just went home... so i'm chilling at home and Mark tells me that he's been having the most boring days of his life since he hasn't seen a soul in 2 days so i drive to see him which is about an hour away (which isnt bad at all i'd drive longer to see him) but yeah so we were just sitting around being bored together and let me tell you being bored with someone else is MUCH better than being bored by yourself lol... so two other people came over and we had ourselves a mini bbq :) idk why people like to bbq on memorial day but hey its always nice to bbq even if its just four people haha it was still fun... but now i'm home and i'm tired... i hope your memorial day was if not as exciting more exciting than mine :) i guess for some of us its back to work... but for me i don't work tom :p so i'll prolly try to get some things done around the house... we'll just see what tomorrow brings... new day... new experiences...

till then...beHappy...