quiet wednesday afternoons....

just finished up my work for the day... summer school... i'm sitting on the futon in the living room... the sun sets in my backyard so i can see it peeking through the trees and the blinds that are half open... everything is quiet... all i can hear is the subtle sound of the tv that was left on in my roommates room while taking his nap... its at these times where the quiet is nice... the quiet calms me... but then at the same time... its these times where the quiet reminds me... the quiet reminds me of the special moments that i keep in my head... the special moments that i miss... moments where i was so blissfully happy... moments where i'd give anything to lift up my phone to see that i have a text waiting from you... i wish i could share these quiet moments with you like i once did... where words could not express my feelings... where a simple squeeze on the hand would be all it would take... or just my head falling on your shoulder... i could go on forever about wishes and hopes... but for now i just need to enjoy the quietness... the sun on my skin... and the soft sound of the tv... its at these times when i feel the most alone... but the world around me is trying to keep me company...

till then...beReflective...

being in different places at the same time...

we are all at different points in our lives... with our careers... our emotions... our thoughts... outlooks on life... and sometimes in relationships two people end up not drifting apart but drifting into different points in their lives without realizing it... sometimes this can cause some problems... but i believe that people can always drift back... but we forget that we are not always moving at the same speed... if two people were at the same point then slowly one got ahead of the other... or one got behind the other... we sometimes forget how to get back to the same point with each other... now i can say that i've felt both parts... being behind or moving too slow and being ahead moving too fast... we just need to adjust our speed at which we live our lives so that one day we may find ourselves next to that significant other where we are within an arms length away... then holding hands won't be such a challenge... its those moments that keep me going... its those moments that drive my inner strength to keep moving or to slow down... its those times in my head where i think about when what i had was so special... so near and dear to my heart that if i'm 3 arms lengths away i cannot simply just jump to close the gap... everything needs to be gradual... its when i go to the store and see those chocolates... or a specific movie... 100 calorie packs... just the little things... whitening booster by arm and hammer :p... it reminds me to just enjoy whats going on right now... slow steps... baby steps... to maybe fall in love all over again... to have a second time holding hands... but it feels like the first time... a second first kiss... all of those things will be worth it... all thrown together in a soup of patience... strength... time... and love... everything is so fast now a days... internet... cars... food... more and more people have no patience for anything... we just have to remember that slow isn't always a bad thing... sometimes slow is what is needed... because we can only catch the true beauty of whats happening when we go slow...

till then...beDedicated...

other blog entries...

was going to blog about something awesome tonight but read something more awesome on a blog of a very close friend :)

A Dog and His Toy...

till then...beLoving...

family ties...

if you know me at all then you know that i'm pretty close to my family... now that i'm getting older i worry that i may not be there for my family... but i have been thinking of this all the wrong way... my family would like me to succeed... they would want me to be happy... they would also respect any decision that i make if it made me happy... if i were my family i know that i would not to be the reason for me not being happy in life... yes i'll always be there for my family and my family there for me... but i could never feel disconnected from my family even if we lived across the country... if anything my family would like me to make a family of my own... i believe that separating from your family physically is just a part of growing up... its a part of life that all of us hit sooner or later... i believe before i was not ready to do such a thing... but now that i know that whatever i do... wherever i go... my family will be there... i'm not afraid... today we just drove 4 hours to see my aunt and then 4 hours back the same day we went for her son's baptism... now not just my family went but my dads brothers family and other family from other states flew in for a baptism... it was not even a wedding... this just proves that wherever i am whatever i end up doing in my life my family will be flying/driving/training in to see me... why? because its my family... distance will not reflect how close i am with my family... because i know that any day of the week they would travel that distance to help me... and i would also do the same... so i'm not worried about losing touch... i'm worried that i'm going to get sick of them :p even if they are states away haha...

till then...beLoving...

alone with my thoughts at the lake...

i like to sit by this lake by my house... its got one bench... just one... i feel like sometimes it waits for me... half of the lake is the backyards of houses... i like it when i go there at night... when i can see the lights reflect into the water from the houses... sometimes if i go there late enough i can sit and look up and see the stars... i've never brought anyone there before... i usually go there to collect my thoughts... to help organize whats going on in my head... i think i have an overactive mind... maybe that's my weakness... i think of things too much... i over analyze... there is something about visiting lakes... its peaceful... there was one lake where a good friend of mine took me to by where she lives... it was beautiful... it was everything anyone would want in a lake... a lake where you can sit by and just think... open your heart... and just have the overwhelming calmness of the lake consume you... i go to the lake to escape... it doesn't have to be by myself... its just an escape... i hope that we all have our lake... our place where we go to think... to be alone... because even though i go to the lake alone... somehow i don't feel alone... a small breeze here... the rustle of the trees off in the distance... i guess if i feel as if the world has stopped around me it continues to move... and its a reminder for me that i should not stop as well... but i find myself needing the lake more and more...

till then...beTranquil...

what do you talk about when...

what do you talk about when you've talked about everything else... when you already know their favorite color... what makes them laugh... what makes them cry... touchy subjects... things that get them excited... places that they would want to go... what do you talk about when every question that you think about you already know the answer to... when every question you think about asking involves the future... where every question you think about becomes not just a one person answer but requiring two answers... its not that you have ran out of things to talk about... you've just talked about everything regarding yourselves... but now all you can and want to talk about is each other... questions such as what things have you not done with each other... places you have not gone with each other.... sure i've been to California, New York and other states with my family... but i haven't been there with the person that i would want to be there with... stand in the middle of time square holding her hand... on the coast of one of the beaches in LA... eating and enjoying the white sands of Hawaii with the one and only... its like once you have found the other... you want to relive everything over again to show them and let them know the feelings that you have felt before feelings that you would have wanted to share with them but did not know them yet... all the times you were in a romantic place and thought to yourself... man it would be nice to share it with someone special... that's your chance... and that's only thinking about the places you've been to... not to mention your significant other will have hundreds of places to go... places where they have wished to share those moments with that special someone... i don't think conversation would ever run dry... because all we would talk about after we're done talking about ourselves is talking about the "us" and the "we" and the "our"... we do this because we want the other to be immersed in our lives... to feel what we have felt... to cause a sense of closeness between to hearts... two souls... i forget which philosopher said this but it was something along the lines of "one can only learn through experience" and i believe that's true... so take your significant other to a place that you've been before... maybe its a lake where you like to do your thinking... or a playground where you used to play on when you were little... it does not have to be extravagant because by just bringing them there will make it all worth it...

till then...beImmersed...

saying what you feel...

sometimes i just want to come right out and say it... just say whats on my mind... whats been bothering me... the things that i miss... the things that i want... how this situation makes me feel... i wish i could just tell you... hold both your hands... look straight into your eyes... and just tell you... let you know that i won't let you down... and that the decision that you make will not be regretted... it wont matter where we are... or what we are doing... i believe that our hearts are intertwined no matter what we do... we will always find our way back to each other... i wish you could just come right out and tell me... tell me whats on your mind... so that i know... i'm not afraid to hear what you have to say... because there is not anything that you could say that would make me love you less... nothing you could say would make me want you less... nothing that you could say would change anything about the way i feel about you... i'm here... and i'm ready... i'm not scared... so i don't think you should be either... all we have to do is come right out and say it...


till then...beUnafraid...

finding old songs on youtube...

here's a song long forgotten by me until i stumbled upon it by mistake i guess its only appropriate that i share it with you :)



Lyrics are always good too :p

she rolls the window down
and she
talks over the sound
of the cars that pass us by
and i don't know why
but shes changed my mind

Chorus:
would you look at her
she looks at me
shes got me thinking about her constantly
but she don't know how i feel
and as she carries on without a doubt
i wonder if shes figured out
i'm crazy for this girl

she was the one to hold me
the night
the sky fell down
and what was i thinking when
the world didn't end
why didn't i know what i know now

Chorus

right now
face to face
all my fears
pushed aside
and right now
i'm ready to spend the rest of my life
with you

chorus 2x

till then...beTrue...

is chivalry dead...

i have to admit that chivalrous guys are a dying breed... people forget... or just don't do the things that they should to treat a women the way she's supposed to be treated... you should always offer your coat... open doors... pull out chairs... if they need help like killing a bug you better kill it... always think 3 steps ahead... don't wait to be asked... if you're thirsty chances are they are too... if you are going to get a napkin... chances are they will probably want one too... don't even get me started on guys who yell at girls... or guys who are insensitive... guys who don't try to see how a woman is feeling... they just jump to being angry... and for what... there is no reason and no room for that anywhere... it ALWAYS makes the situation worse... i have no idea why women continue to be friends or continue to be in a relationship with these kinds of people... yeah maybe he's funny... but is it worth being yelled at... being cursed at... no (btw guys you should never swear at your significant other its disrespectful and just plain unnecessary) but yet these girls take the guy back... why... because its the a-holes who always get second chances... the women buy into the garbage that they feed them... when the nice guy who sits on the sidelines waiting for a chance to show her how she deserves to be treated never gets a chance... why... cuz they finish last... i know alot of you don't believe that but its partially true... nice guys do finish last and well its just cuz the a-holes keep feeding this bs to the girls who thing "this is how a relationship is supposed to be..." when its not! i guess people have to learn through experience and sometimes to learn something you have or might end up losing something that was there all along... i'm not saying i'm the perfect guy but i do try to be chivalrous... bring flowers just because... open doors cuz well you know they can do it themselves... its not like we don't think you can do it... we are just trying to be nice... carry her to her bed when she passes out on the couch... make her hot tea when she's feeling sick... have a nice dinner waiting for her when she gets home from work... things like this the little things that make life easier, happier when she's with you... if guys started to realize this maybe there would not be so much failed marriages... my parents have been together for quite some time now... why? because my dad will still pick up my moms favorite chocolate at the store... or my mom will grab my dads favorite peanuts on her way home from work... my dad still makes my mom tea after a long day at work... its these things that just remind the other of how much we love and care about them... so to all you ladies out there wait for your prince charming... your knight in shining armor... and sometimes you can't wait for him you gotta go out and get him... how do you think he feels when he sees you with the "a-hole" why? because you deserve better... never settle for less... as ne-yo would say... whats the matter with you...



till then...beChivalrous...

Gotta work for Love...

so i decided to put a quote at the top of the page i saw it somewhere and it rang so true in my head... so i wanted to share it with you...

ok i admit i was a bit irritated with my last post cuz i was so hungry, tired, annoyed with my side mirror, and then had no sleep followed by a tooth extractions (i had 4 pulled) so i guess you could say my head was not in the right place... love has to be worked at... it takes time... patience... you can't rush things... jump into things... you have to be willing to go the distance... and i am willing to go the distance... you have to be able to work overtime for love... especially a second chance at love... you can't expect to sit on your ass and have love work just like that... just like flipping a switch... i'll hold up my sign as long as it takes... and it will say "will work for love..." i admit i will feel like i'm going nowhere but when you are nowhere you are actually "now here" :) and thats being somewhere... so i mean i have a good feeling about this... this time will be different... a good different... maybe its the drugs that i'm not now... but i'm pretty sure its not lol... but i've always knew i would work forever for love again... so if you are out there searching for love... don't give up... because sometimes you gotta work overtime... and you have to never give up on love...

till then...beDedicated...

its like pulling teeth...

i guess that its appropriate that i called this post that since in about 2 hours i will have four of my wisdom teeth removed... don't worry i'm not nervous about that since i'll be knocked out... but i guess the feeling of pulling teeth has been a feeling far too familiar to me... moving without direction... last night while driving i had a lot of time to think... i'm always thinking... and i always felt bad for the mule... you know the one with the carrot dangled in front of him by his driver... the mule does not know better he thinks he's going to get the carrot... so he trots along happily thinking he will get the carrot... but see the driver is also smart... when the mule becomes tired and then starts to get the feeling that he may never get the carrot... the mule suddenly gets distressed and slows down... so the driver moves the carrot very close to the mules face... maybe even perhaps close enough for the mule to get a bit of that delicious carrot that's been in front of his face... now hope is thrown back into the mules mind... so he keeps trotting along happily thinking that he will get the carrot... now i don't know if the mule ever does... maybe after the long journey the driver will decide to be nice and give him the carrot... and other times the driver would just keep the carrot for next time... sometimes i feel like that mule... unable to control my emotions... at times i feel like if i just keep going it will be worth it... but other times i feel like since i am unaware of the length of the journey... i find it hard to continue on... i feel sorry for the mule... his body taken to its extremes... just as my emotions have been taken to its extremes... which ties in my title... its frustrating... like pulling teeth... i always wondered what the driver would do to the mule if he just stopped moving and refused the carrot... if the mule just got tired of having something in front of its face that he could never have... i bet the mule would just rather have nothing in its face don't you think... i don't know... i guess we can't really compare ourselves to mules... but i feel like there is still some resemblance there... i guess all we can really do is put our faith in the driver... hope that they are putting that carrot in front of our face for a reason... trust that the driver will steer us in the right direction and eventually give us that carrot at the end... i mean of course you could also just kick yourself loose from the carriage and run free... but that's not what i want to do... i don't know how long the journey is... and i can say i still have some energy left... but i just hope the driver is not surprised if i ever decide to kick the carriage somewhere down the road and break free... only time will tell right... well that's what everybody says...

till then...beThoughtful...

i want you to want me...

is it crazy for me to feel wanted... to be wanted... to be needed... to be desired... equally as i would give... i've been putting myself out there for a while now... by no means am i needy (lol just wanted to get that straight) don't worry its not a sad emo post... it has just been the recurring theme in my head... i think this time i won't initiate things... just let things run its course... just enjoy things as they come... i mean whats the rush right?



oh here is the video :) i like their hair!

till then...beWanted...

patience is apparently a virtue...

patience... i have a lot of it... i get it from my dad... i just don't know the amount... i hope i have enough... patience is apparently a virtue... its a double edge sword... its what you need but don't want to deal with... i guess patience is my best quality but it is also my weakness... patient for things to come around... i can see now how people can lose their patience... i keep telling myself... no not me... i'm patient... but maybe that's my problem... i'm too patient...

till then...bePatient.... maybe....

polishing the armor....

things are always nice in the beginning... a first kiss... first time holding hands... the awkwardness but its a good awkwardness... laughing at each other because we catch the other staring... the little gifts that we give to show our appreciation... its those times that are always nice to relive... they say slow and steady wins the race (according to that rabbit and turtle story lol) so i think that this time i'm going to take it real slow... slow so that every moment can be savored... so that every moment will be special... so that every moment lasts... i just hope that i'll be able to polish my armor so that it will shine bright... brighter than ever before... so that i can ride in on my white horse grab the damsel in distress by the hand and throw her onto the back of my horse and we'll ride off into the sunset... but i mean well one can dream right? i just hope that the damsel in distress won't be disappointed when her knight comes riding up and she isnt everything that she would want in her knight in shining armor... i guess i've got some polishing to do... good thing i've got an automatic buffer :p

till then...beChivalrous...