taking a step back.....

sometimes we need to just take a step back.... and not let ourselves be confused by the things that bother us the most... things may look like a mess or they don't belong but when we step back and look at the bigger picture its those little messes and things that don't belong that make a beautiful masterpiece... so next time you're feeling down and out of it just remove yourself from the situation and look at the bigger picture even if its not completed yet... its going to be a masterpiece... the hardest part of doing that is simply removing yourself... sometimes i feel like I'm moving through concrete unable to remove myself from the situation... but its possible and the strength is in each and every one of us we just have to find that strength its not a question of if you have it, its a question of do you want to use it...

till then...beStrong...

Homewreckers... (lol sounds bad i know)

relationships are weird... especially the topic of "homewreckers" what makes a homewrecker? just for the sake of example we'll just have the situation be a couple and an outside guy. now if the couple isn't happy with each other and are on the verge of breaking up but the outside guy likes the girl and then they end up dating but only after the couple breaks up (i did not want to deal with infidelity thats a totally different story... ) but anyway why do we make the outside guy the bad guy? why is the guy who was originally with the girl the good guy? what if the outside guy was ment to be with the girl and would make her so much happier, and would end up spending the rest of their lives together? now the "homewrecker" looks like to be the "homemaker" (lol not sure if thats a term but i'm gonna use it) the old saying of all is fair in love and war (and pokemon battles! lol if you watched pokemon as a kid like i did) but joking aside the way i see it from a "technical" standpoint anything is fair game unitl the girl has a ring on her finger. ok i know what you're thinking... you're probally thinking that i'd be a homewrecker and honestly thats not my style :p but it is also very situational alot of things need to be considered. was the outside guy and the girl good friends before? were they in a relationship before she met someone new? just things like that. i know some people who don't belive in destiny they think its "bullshit" they told me that if i want something to happen then i gotta just get out there and do it myself but i believe in that too. a wise man once told me (my dad) that "god dosent help people who don't help themselves" and that has never rung more true in my head he told me that when i was a child and i have never forgotten it. i believe in destiny but i don't think people should rely in destiny or fate or god 100% i believe that you need to do what you gotta do and that last bit of (whatever it is that will get you to your goal or what you need) destiny or fate or god will help you see to that. i believe that not everything is written and you can't rely on if it is ment to be then it will be because if you don't do anything to push yourself in that direction then not even god can help you (lol the not even god can help you sounded so forceful but its true!) going back to what i'm saying (sorry for the crazy tangent) but lets say you were the outside guy/girl and were interested in the other girl/guy already in a relationship you should do what you feel like you should do. now i'm not saying everyone should go out and try to steal eachothers girlfriend and boyfriend that decision is up to each person, i'm just saying that each person should be given the opportunity to live a life without regret because they could have missed out on something great. so next time you see a situation similar to this just take a step back and really see whats going on really see the intentions of everyone involved before making some sort of judgement over oh he/she's just a homewrecker because for all you know the couple to begin with isnt even happy with eachother that guy/girl could be their saving grace you just never know. this closley relates to something that i've said before in a pevious entry of how we plan and god laughs. we just never know what life is going to bring us we just have to make decisions that will make us happy. not sure if any of this made any sense... its just whats going on in my mind who knows my thoughts on this could change by tomorrow so i'm writing it down now...

till then...beRandom...

True Friends...

there's something that i've noticed about the friends that i have, some being just acquaintances others being study buddies, and then there's the pour your heart out too/always there for you friends. these friends are worth keeping, something that i've noticed with some of my friends is that i wont see them for what feels like ages but then once i'm in their company its as if we only saw each other yesterday. now i don't have this with just anyone its just the select few, its nice i try to keep in touch with these friends, its these friends that will help you through anything its these friends who wont judge you no matter what situation you're in. now it doesn't matter how long you've been friends, i've made friends who ive been friends with for years and friends that i've only known for a couple of months and i've already felt this connection with them, not trying to be gay unless you want me to :p anyway if you're reading this then you probably already know if you are one of the select few.. i'd just like to say thanks... thanks for everything i mean it :)

till then...beFriendly...

Many Hands Make Light Work...

so today i decided to help keith fix his fence in his backyard jun came later to help us out, it only took us about an hour to fix it in what previously took keith 3 days! (keep in mind you for those of you that know keith would only understand this) but yeah it only took us 1 hour which was awesome all of the digging, cement mixing, nailing, screwing got the fence up in not time i was proud of our work. keeping on this productive scheme i asked if they wanted to help me cut my grass so we went over to my neighbors house to ask if we could borrow their lawn mower and so we had 2! so you guessed it it took us half the time it would normally take me to cut my grass we got it done in about an hour! it was awesome. we finished off the day eating with my family pizza and Chinese food lol but yeah this has been the first real productive day since the last day of fall semester haha makes me feel good to see the fruits of my labor :)

till then...beProductive...

Plans...

We all make plans, I've made plans, plans to do this, plans to do that, but I've herd the saying somewhere not sure where it came from but it goes something like this "we plan, god laughs" i would consider myself a somewhat religious person that i believe in god n such but the short saying rings some truth.

Alot of things that i've planned for have had a turn for the best and the worst but ultimatly we just never know whats going to happen. if there's anything that i've learned for experience, life, friends, and family its to live life with out regrets i know it sounds cliche but its true. if you feel like doing something you should go ahead and do it (within the realms of the the law of course) because if i ever just went with my plan or just went with what would be best i would have missed out on some of the best parts of my life. In the end i would like to look back on my life and say yeah i did everything that i wanted and the path that i have chose was the best possible path for my life. life's about being happy right? so i'm going to do the things that make me happy BUT being happy or getting to be happy isnt always easy things are never easy (i'm sure you're like yeah yeah i've heard all of this before life is hard) but its true i've never realized how hard life could get until now. my mind racing so fast with my thoughts at night causing me to think of everything and anything. thoughts of love, friendship, careers, family, i feel like i know what to do and what i want with life but then again the saying of how we plan and god laughs still lingers in my mind.

i just hope that god dosent have too much fun laughing (but then again his help is always welcome)

till then...bethoughtful...

a brighter day...

ok sorry for the super last emo post...

emoness aside i've done alot of thinking i mean A LOT of thinking... thinking is in my blood how can i not right?

anyway i'm feeling a lot better now, not my best but better now. i understand what needs to happen and understand what i need to do with my life.

i have family counting on me, friends counting on me, and most importantly myself counting on me

i have goals, goals of finishing up school within the year so that my parents will be proud of me and wont have to pay multiple tuitions since my sisters are entering college

so no more parties (well i mean significantly less) no more wasting time and just "getting by" instead of getting by i need to get through it.

i've been having feelings of constriction, i'm tired of school i need to be done with it already. i want to get out of DeKalb i want to get out of my home town just to somewhere where i can start fresh somewhere new i mean i love my home towns and my family but i feel like i'm not free. life is about being free aint it?

i figure that i should take this time to put some goals down so that i can look back to see if i have accomplished them.

1. be at optimum physical health (since i have a mild case of high blood pressure)
- 1 mile a day
2. graduate school by spring of 2010
3. get a decent career and help my parents pay for my sisters college (of course if i can afford it)
- i mean i won't sacrifice living in a box lol
4. to not forget to have fun in life
- taking time to "stop and smell the roses"

i just need to take things one day at a time...

till then...beStrong...

why...

why do i feel sad... why do i feel like i've lost... why do i feel lost... why do i feel like i'm being replaced... why am i jealous... why am i regretting my thoughts... why does it hurt... why do i feel this way... why am i so paranoid that people are talking behind my back... why do i drink...

i just want it to go away... have it all go away... have it the way it was before... when things were not complicated...

i don't even know whats going on anymore... why do i feel alone... why do i feel angry...

i hope nobody ever experiences what i have even though the sad thing is that people feel this way all the time... how do you cope..

why do you cope...

its a losing battle...

till then... beHappy (or at least try to be......)

random thoughts...

ok yeah i know i haven't posted on here ever but give me a break k?

i'm getting alot older now and i'm not sure what to do about myself, i mean i know the whole finish college thing and get a good job after than and what not and i guess that's what i'm planning to do is to get school done with and over just so that i don't have to worry about it anymore. but what if i don't want it to be over? what if i'm not ready to grow up? what if things are moving way to fast? i have no idea things just sometimes don't make sense like what i should be doing right now. the past year i have been pretty antisocial and for reasons unknown i have started to become more social because making and maintaining friendships require an effort on my part as well. call me crazy but i kind of like how i have one more year (well according to my plan) in school and that would put me up to the 5 year plan which i don't mind because i was talking to my cousin about the 5 year plan and he said its a good way to go because you leave college with no regrets you do the things that you want to do and hopefully... hopefully you don't have any regrets after. so that's why for next year i decided to run for an e-board position on AAA (asian american association) of niu hopefully i'll get a position there elections are in about a month so we'll just have to see.

i guess i like to keep myself preoccupied with things in and around school because thinking about what happens after college stresses me out. internships, careers, where i would want to work somewhere in Chicago or somewhere in Kansas City with my girlfriend Katie who i have been dating for 2 years thank you very much :) but just more questions of keeping in touch with old friends or even getting in touch with friends that i have lost contact with. i'm a people person and i don't want to end up doing the same thing every day, is that too much to ask? or is it just bound to happen... i don't know i guess as of right now i just need to focus on what i'm going to do the next day and well as i always say/tell myself to cross that bridge when you get there.

till then.... beHopeful

First day of school.... again...

Well its going to be my first day back at NIU in a long time.... hopefully things are better this time.... why do i feel like i already want a vacation....

New Toys!!!

The Logitech "Premium Headset"

So excited to start using my new headset! If you know me at all you probably already know that I'm a sucker for gadgets and anything electronic. After a decently long video chat on MSN with my girlfriend in Taiwan, i was tired of holding this small microphone that wasn't even mine (thanks harry) and a half broken headphones that i've had for who knows how long i decided that it was time for a new investment! I figure it will be easier for me and oh did i mention the COOL factor! ...btw this headset is the same one that the bad guy uses in the new hit action flick "Live Free or Die Hard" just wanted to add to the cool factor =]

For all you geeks like me that wanna know the specs well here ya go!

The Logitech Premium Notebook Headset PN980445-0403

Equipped with

Noise Cancelling
Rotating Mic : for optimum voice clarity
Folds Flat : takes up less space
Travel Case!!!
Adjustable Behind-the-Head Design
Soft-Touch Rubber : for my sensitive ears =]
Analog-to-USB Adaptor!

Tec-Specs

Frequency Response:
Headset 20-20,000 Hz, Microphone 100-10,000 Hz
Sensitivity:
-62 dBV/µBar, -42 dBV/Pa+/-3dB
Cable Length:
1.8 M

Yeah you're probably looking at that price and if i was ballin' i'd throw down that much for a headset like this, but really.... do you think i would pay that much?.... do you? ;)

till then... beHappy

Me Like Photobucket!!

Just wanted to post up a video here of what i have been up to these past few weeks/months and well its been very exciting i hope you guys like it! (note: if you know anything about me and Mandy Moore.... i think you'll understand)



till then... becreative...

Back In A FLASH!

cute huh? we're roller blading!!!

well i think its cute THANKS BABY!!!

till then... beInspired

I Know I've Said This Before...

I'll be posting on here in a bit!

There has been many new happenings to me so start checking regularly!

till then... bePatient

United Colors Of NIU!!!!

wow haven't posted in years!!!
if you can come to UCON, but get there early if you want to see me sing.

... don't worry I will be posting more soon...

till then...
beInvolved...